Mikaela's Moon
i will never know myself until i do this on my own - linkin parkSunday, May 20, 2007
A letter for my Angelo
My angel,
We fought for a long time, but I guess God has other plans for us. I know that you
are peaceful now and you are no longer hurting.
I want to say that I am happy where you are now, but it is so hard to say that. I
miss you so much that it hurts so badly to say goodbye to you. For 3 months, we were
together everyday. I protected you and nourished you. Now that you are gone, I feel
like there is a huge emptiness inside me. I feel that a part of me has been ripped
off.
One day, we will be together again. Angelo, your mommy and daddy loves you so much.
We don't know how to express just how sad we are now that you are in heaven. Every
day, I pray silently to let you know just how much I longed to hold you in my arms
and whisper how much I love you.
My angel, I will always be your mommy. You have made me feel complete. Goodbye my
darling.
Love,
Mommy
In memory of Angelo M. Paras,
son of Maree Joi and Manuel Raymund
12 weeks old
May 15, 2007
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Happy birthday baby!
Happy birthday to my one and only soulmate! Happy birthday to the most good looking husband ever! Little baby and I love you so much!
Our angel
Raymund and I went to another OB last May 5. This new OB is highly recommended by two of my dear friends, Nicole and Ces.
Raymund and I went there after work. We were informed that his clinic opens at 9am in the Delos Santos Medical Center hospital in Quezon City.
The usual routine when we got there: personal info, weight, blood pressure. The doctor was in the delivery room so we had to wait. The nurse asked me to lie down on the bed in his clinic and that was nice because I had no sleep yet. Us night shifters are sleepy in the morning...
We waited...for 2 hours. I fell asleep on the unconfortable bed. The lights were above my face but still I dozed off. When the doctor arrived at around 11am, his nurse shook me awake. The doctor pulled out his stetoscope, placed it on my tummy and declared after 5 seconds "Oh pumipitik na!"...(friends, that means he heard the heartbeat). I was so shocked. I was still shocked when he tapped my leg and asked me to join him at his desk.
(We both decided not to inform the new OB about the earlier diagnosis of a possible anembryonic pregnancy. We wanted to hear his diagnosis first.)
He proceeded to write down my prescription (vitamins for preggies). His nurse then explained how I should take the medicine and that I should come back next month. Another nurse took my blood and urine. I couldn't speak. I forgot to ask the questions I wanted to ask the OB, like getting a second ultrasound.
But then, he heard the heartbeat...My baby is there. I always felt the baby here...I knew it! I was so glad I did not follow the first OB who wanted me to take a d/c (dilation and curratege). This means that the OB will scrape my uterus to get the sac out. Now when I think about it, it sounds like murder! Oh how close that OB was to murdering my baby!
I have never felt more at peace now. This happiness that I am feeling is so different. How can you love someone so much when you have not met? That is how I feel. This baby growing inside of me is a product of love between two people...How wonderful it is to think of it that way!
I want to say thank you to my friends and family members who have prayed and supported me through this. Our angel will be soon be born sometime in November or early December.
Happy Mother's Day to my mom!
Raymund and I went there after work. We were informed that his clinic opens at 9am in the Delos Santos Medical Center hospital in Quezon City.
The usual routine when we got there: personal info, weight, blood pressure. The doctor was in the delivery room so we had to wait. The nurse asked me to lie down on the bed in his clinic and that was nice because I had no sleep yet. Us night shifters are sleepy in the morning...
We waited...for 2 hours. I fell asleep on the unconfortable bed. The lights were above my face but still I dozed off. When the doctor arrived at around 11am, his nurse shook me awake. The doctor pulled out his stetoscope, placed it on my tummy and declared after 5 seconds "Oh pumipitik na!"...(friends, that means he heard the heartbeat). I was so shocked. I was still shocked when he tapped my leg and asked me to join him at his desk.
(We both decided not to inform the new OB about the earlier diagnosis of a possible anembryonic pregnancy. We wanted to hear his diagnosis first.)
He proceeded to write down my prescription (vitamins for preggies). His nurse then explained how I should take the medicine and that I should come back next month. Another nurse took my blood and urine. I couldn't speak. I forgot to ask the questions I wanted to ask the OB, like getting a second ultrasound.
But then, he heard the heartbeat...My baby is there. I always felt the baby here...I knew it! I was so glad I did not follow the first OB who wanted me to take a d/c (dilation and curratege). This means that the OB will scrape my uterus to get the sac out. Now when I think about it, it sounds like murder! Oh how close that OB was to murdering my baby!
I have never felt more at peace now. This happiness that I am feeling is so different. How can you love someone so much when you have not met? That is how I feel. This baby growing inside of me is a product of love between two people...How wonderful it is to think of it that way!
I want to say thank you to my friends and family members who have prayed and supported me through this. Our angel will be soon be born sometime in November or early December.
Happy Mother's Day to my mom!
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
Pray for my baby
I have missed my period for 2 months, and I decided to take a pregnancy test last April 24. I asked one of the team managers in our team, Rache, to buy me a preg test. I was shocked when it came out positive.
Raymund and I went to the OB last Saturday after shift. The doctor arrived in the clinic in Megamall at 12 noon, and we only talked for a few minutes. Estimated age of the baby was 9 weeks. She recommended that I undergo an ultrasound to confirm my pregnancy. The ultrasound session was scheduled at 3pm, so we shopped for gifts first while waiting.
At 3:40pm, I was called into the lab for my ultrasound. The doctor told us that the sac was there but they could not find the baby inside and they could not hear the heartbeat. I was devastated. We were barely out of the clinic when my tears started gushing out of me uncontrollably.
I cried all the way...and it didn't stop until Sunday morning. The only time I didn't cry was when I was asleep. I felt so depressed.
On Sunday, we attended Raymund's nephew's baptism and I was one of the godmothers. My in laws went to our house. The boys had a drinking session while the girls chatted. My sister in laws all told me to get a second opinion because the baby is too small. Often times, it is undetectable in the first ultrasound. My hopes went up, and I decided to find another OB.
We went back to the OB yesterday at noon. She told me that it was an abnormal pregnancy and that I had to undergo a "raspa", wherein they will scrape my uterus to get the sac out.
When I arrived in the office, I told my friends who already have children and they all told me the same thing: the baby is too small to be seen in the ultrasound. We have decided to go to St. Luke's on Saturday to find another OB and get a second opinion.
Friends, please pray for my baby..
Raymund and I went to the OB last Saturday after shift. The doctor arrived in the clinic in Megamall at 12 noon, and we only talked for a few minutes. Estimated age of the baby was 9 weeks. She recommended that I undergo an ultrasound to confirm my pregnancy. The ultrasound session was scheduled at 3pm, so we shopped for gifts first while waiting.
At 3:40pm, I was called into the lab for my ultrasound. The doctor told us that the sac was there but they could not find the baby inside and they could not hear the heartbeat. I was devastated. We were barely out of the clinic when my tears started gushing out of me uncontrollably.
I cried all the way...and it didn't stop until Sunday morning. The only time I didn't cry was when I was asleep. I felt so depressed.
On Sunday, we attended Raymund's nephew's baptism and I was one of the godmothers. My in laws went to our house. The boys had a drinking session while the girls chatted. My sister in laws all told me to get a second opinion because the baby is too small. Often times, it is undetectable in the first ultrasound. My hopes went up, and I decided to find another OB.
We went back to the OB yesterday at noon. She told me that it was an abnormal pregnancy and that I had to undergo a "raspa", wherein they will scrape my uterus to get the sac out.
When I arrived in the office, I told my friends who already have children and they all told me the same thing: the baby is too small to be seen in the ultrasound. We have decided to go to St. Luke's on Saturday to find another OB and get a second opinion.
Friends, please pray for my baby..
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